My Curriculum Vitae

Yesterday, another volunteer and I took a disabled, wheelchair-bound man out to do his grocery shopping. He needs help grocery shopping because he can hardly walk and he has trouble seeing with his eyes. Besides, he wants company, he wants people to chat to. So we took the bus to his home (he lives right next to Portobello Road, right next to the Notting Hill market!) and wheeled him to the bus stop to wait for a bus that would take us to the supermarket. I’ve never given much thought about how wheelchair-bound people get around in the city. All I have noticed is that buses are supplied with wheelchair spaces and certain underground stations have wheelchair access. After the shopping experience, I can’t believe how badly London, as a big city, is so badly equipped for people in wheelchairs. I was also appalled people in general’s attitude and behaviour towards wheelchair users.

So we were at the bus station waiting for the bus. The only way to get on the bus is for the driver to stop the bus as close to the pavement as possible, and pull out the ramp forming a bridge between the bus and the pavement for the wheelchair to be wheeled onto or off the bus. One bus comes and we try to get on, but the driver refuses to stop the bus closer to the pavement, and refuses to pull out the ramp. I stood there gaping at the bus’s behind and the driver as it drove away into the distance. What kind of fucking driver does that?? Fucking retard just drove away.

The next bus comes, and at least this driver has the moral sense to stop and pull out the ramp. There was a problem with the ramp though, it wouldn’t come out completely. At this point, about half of the bus’s passengers got off to wait for the next bus as if we were a bunch of asses delaying them severely. I guess people don’t even have a few minutes to spare for a wheelchair user to get on a half broken ramp. I felt so…frustrated and annoyed at the people who got off, I wanted to yell and shake my fists at them.

At the supermarket, while we were paying for the groceries, the disabled man used a special visa card to pay, one which wouldn’t require him to enter a pin number, because of his sight problem. The card didn’t work, and so a shop assistant took us to the customer services counter and tried the card again – still didn’t work. The disabled man requested to see their manager, because the card worked before. We waited about 10 minutes just for the damn manager to come down. He tried to swipe the card again, but still didn’t work. The manager hands the card back and says there’s nothing the supermarket can do about the card, we would need to contact the bank (at which point is already shut for the day). The disabled man started to get a little impatient and annoyed and demanded the manager to try again. Eventually, a heated argument started between the two, one demanding that the card should work, the other trying to push all the responsibilities onto the bank. As I looked around me, I saw how people passing by us all looked with a ugly look at the disabled man, as if he was some kind of plague. None of them gave the manager such a look. I guess people automatically assume any trouble must be started by a disabled person in a wheelchair. Then the manager took the card and tried it again, and it worked! Hah, his attitude completely changed, his tone softer, his face curled into an unwilling smile, and apologized to the man over and over again. Bastard manager. On our way back, about 6 buses passed by before a driver would bother pulling the ramp out for us.

When I first started volunteering, I noticed that a lot of the disabled people there were great and friendly people, but became bitter when exposed to the general public. I never understood why, and always thought it’s a shame that the public who encounter them don’t get to see the inspirational aspect of these disabled people. Now I understand why they are bitter. They are bitter to avoid being vulnerable or bullied by a world of people who shut the disabled out of their lives.

Been busy with volunteering, working and cinema/musical, restaurant, cafe visits the last 2 weeks, but I've managed to squeeze some time in to do some med-school interview preparation. One thing that interview candidates should be familiar with is medical ethics. Medical ethics may sound dead boring, but it's honestly a really exciting field that really generates some of the most heated and interesting debates that people can never ever reach a conclusion on. Even you, an individual, will not be able to stand on one single side in these topics. Euthanasia is one such topic. I know it's a topic that's already been all over the news, but I'd like to write down some of my own thoughts that I've gathered during my preparation.

So the definition of euthanasia is that person#1 intentionally kills, or permits person#2's death, for #2's benefit. Active euthanasia means that person#1 does something which results in #2's death. Passive euthanasia means that person#1 permits the death of person#2, or withholds or withdraws life-extending treatment. Currently, active euthanasia is an illegal practice in all countries and places in the world, besides the Netherlands and Belgium, and 2 states in the US (Washington and Oregon). Passive euthanasia is usually seen as more morally acceptable and is legal (at least as far as I know it's legal, and even commonly practiced in the UK). I guess the main difference between active and passive euthanasia which makes the difference between legal and illegal is that in active euthanasia someone performs an action that takes away someone else's life, whereas in passive, no one performs an action, instead a person is just left there to die.

There are lots and lots of arguments both against and for euthanasia, I've only picked a few that I think are the most significant arguments below.
Arguments against:
1. Euthanasia is meant to be an act to reduce the physical or psychological pain of an individual due to an a terminal or a deteriorating illness, who leads a life that is no longer meaningful, or with a quality of life that is no longer acceptable to the individual. However, the term 'terminal' is a much too ambiguous term - how long is terminal? Several years? A few months? And is it possible to accurately predict the life expectancy of a patient? Some patients diagnosed with a terminal disease will not die for years, and may eventually not even die of the diagnosed condition.
2. Euthanasia should be a decision carried out by the indivdual (or close relatives if the individual is unable to make a decision). However, emotional and psychological pressures could severely affect a patient's decision regarding euthanasia. Some patient might feel guilty about the emotional, dependent, and financial pressures for family members if he or she doesn't choose death. So the concern about being a burden could probably lead to a person feeling like it is a duty to die rather than choice.
3. If euthanasia were to be legalised, it could lead to a slippery slope, where laws will be expanded and more exceptions might be made etc. E.g. abortion was first legalised for the health of the baby or mother, and now in many countries, abortion is something carried out (almost) as spontaneously as buying ice-cream.
4. Killing is morally wrong and euthanasia is stating that human life is not important and there is no value to it.

Arguments for:
1. The most common argument for is that the pain the patient is experiencing is physically or psychologically unbearable, and it would be inhumane to keep them alive despite this. Also, if they are put on medication to control their pain, it could put them into a "drugged state" which is definitely not living life.
2. People have the right as free people to choose to die and not let other people's judgments and morals dictate the way we live.
3. A common misconception is that people for euthanasia is not saying that as soon as someone is diagnosed with a terminal illness, that euthanasia should be carried out. Only when a fight has been carried out, and when the fight is clearly in vain and hopeless and the agony is unberable should euthanasia be an option along with hospice or in-home hospice care. There comes a time when further treatment is not compassionate, wise or medically beneficial.
4. Some people simply say that the bottom line is that killing is just morally wrong, it should not be done.

Personally, I can't decide whether euthanasia should be legalised or not. On one hand I'm leaning more for the pro-choice people. I agree that people have the right to die, it is cruel to force someone to stay alive. It's easy for people who have no terminal or deteriorating disease to say you should stay alive and fight, but to have not been in a patient's shoes, there is no way anyone can imagine how it is to live with brain cancer or motor neurone disease (which are two of the cruelest and "inhumane" disease, in my opinion). Also, I think it's completely wrong and cowardly to say that because killing is morally wrong, euthanasia is also morally wrong. I think it is even more wrong to try to obtain a sense of morality on the expense of the agony and suffering of others.

On the other hand, I also agree with the pro-life people that euthanasia should not be legalised. If it were, lots of people would end up dying due to the fear of being a burden for family members, or die because due to greedy or incompetent doctors, or whatever other reason that doesn't really make the choice of death completely a patient's own choice. It is not simply black and white, and there are lots of grey areas which would lead to countless exceptions of the law. If the law is broadened and expanded, lots of people could end up dying completely against their own wish.

What do you guys think? Holy shit, I think this is my record of the longest post ever.

I shouldn't actually be updating my blog right now. I'm supposed to be working, or at least reading through some material for my meeting tomorrow with my mum's friend's sister, the UK doctor. I want to ask her some questions, and so I need to be updated on the UK health system and some other ethical medical issues. I'm in the computer suite of my boyfriend's university right now so that there is no music, bed, fridge or chocolate to distract me. Unfortunately, the distracting influence of my blog is a greater influence than the surrounding ambitious physics students with their fingers flying across the keyboard typing away at their 100-page lab reports.

Saturday's volunteering experience, as previously mentioned, was a good experience. One thing about working and interacting with disabled people is that it may seem very scary at first, because you don't know how to deal with their disability. I remember when I worked in a centre helping mentally disabled people in summer 2008, I was intimidated by the members when I first met each one of them. Each one had a different disability, and some of them looked and behaved so strangely, that I had no idea how to interact or treat them. How should I greet them? Should I help them take their jacket off, or will they manage? How should I talk to them?? So one thing I learned from working there was to be very, very open-minded about the disabilities people can have. I also learned that there's no reason to be intimidated really, because quite quickly, you will actually learn automatically how to interact with a certain disabled person. Trying to keep all this in mind, I arrived at the volunteering place and tried to keep an open mind.

When the members started arriving, I was introduced to everyone. I helped set up some plates and food, and we all ate together. The food we had was so typically British: sandwich, a breaded egg (I know, super weird, why in the world would you bread an egg??), and some tiny sausages. It was disgusting, tasted absolutely bland (hence why it was so British). Pudding was a bag of crisps and a choclate thingy. The only thing that tasted good was the pudding (and government wonders why British kids are so addicted to junk food).

I sat beside a blind man and it was extremely inspiring to sit beside him. He carried a radio with him and it was tuned into BBC. He would listen to it every five minutes and stay updated on the news (especially football results, heh). What was so interesting and inspiring about him was how he had learned to deal with his disability in life. The radio to him is kind of like what internet is to us - a gateway to the rest of the world and a way to stay in touch with the world. He has "normal" hobbies, and especially loves books. He accesses books by borrowing audio books and listening to them through his casette player. When we chatted, he would always keep eye contact, and I was amazed at how he knew where my eyes were. Sometimes he would lose my position and the eye contact and would then locate me again by finding my head and then re-establishing the eye contact.

I don't think the members work, so they have a lot of time on their hands. This free time has allowed them to develop incredible knowledge and skills. For instance, I sat beside this other half blind woman, and she is really, really good at Scrabble, and have even won prizes for her talent. The blind man above knows everything about music, he can name all the artists and songs that BBC played, from music of the 1950s(?) to today's contemporary pop music. It's funny how he (a middle-aged man) is far more updated on today's pop music than I am ("Who's that??" "Justin Timberlake!").

Today I have another volunteering shift. We're all gonig to a pub to have a drink. Hopefully it'll be inspiring and fun!

I had a big cardboard box full of books, food, clothes and a pillow, which I had to carry from my old room to the tube station and then from another tube station to my boyfriend's place. It wasn't that the box was too heavy, it was more that the box was too big for my arms to carry comfortably. I had to walk very slowly, one step at a time, so it probably gave the illusion to people that the box was dead weight. I believe I was also grimacing with my face, because the box was cutting cuts into my fingers, which was much worse than the actual weight issue.

A few times, I believe there were a few people who were about to ask me whether I needed help, they nearly opened their mouth as if to talk as they walked past me. But I guess they stopped themselves when they realised they would actually have to make an effort and commit to first in carrying my box and then to walking with it to whereever my home was. I guess it's understandable, because if the roles were reversed and I saw someone carrying a box too heavy for them, I too would probably have walked by even though I'd liked to have helped, and just compensated my passive helpfulness with a compassionate look.

When I was a few hundred metres from home, my fingers were suffering numerous cuts and my left knee was starting to bruise from the constant bumping of the box's edge on it, and I was starting to feel like it would be impossible to take another step, an angel (a lovely man) stopped and asked me whether I needed any help. I thanked him and gave him the widest smile I could muster with my facial muscles, and told him I was nearly home, so it wouldn't be necessary. Our encounter made me smile all the way home and forget about the throbbing pain as I thought about how wrong I have been to label and stereotype everyone as lazy citizens that are afraid to get involved and committed to helping someone. There are great, decent individuals out there, whose principles in life is still to be as kind and helpful as possible to everyone.

Ever since I was a chubby kid, I've always wanted to volunteer. My vision was to work in an organisation like Doctors Without Borders, travel the world while saving lives. I've been told it's quite an unrealistic and childish vision, there's no way I'd be able to live on my volunteering.

Yesterday I attended an interview for a volunteer position as a "social befriender." Bascially it means I'd attend group activities for housebound people (elderly, disabled etc.), or visit them in their homes, or take them out shopping a few times a month, i.e. generally helping them, interacting with them to make their lives easier and a little bit more enjoyable and socialable as many of these people do not have any family around to take care of them or keep them company.

When I arrived at my interview spot, I was surprised to be greeted by a wheelchair-bound woman. I had no idea the woman who administers the organisation was disabled. As we talked, I learned that she not only administers one organisation, but 4 entire organisations by herself! She organises all the group activities, assigns the volunteers to the housebound people, recruits volunteers, helps the housebound people herself, helps anyone who would need her help in any way. She does all this, devotes all her time to this, despite the fact that she is diagnosed with cerebral palsy and is wheelchair-bound herself. Many of the people she's helped have told her that they wouldn't want to live if it were not for her help, she's given their lives meaning again. She's adminstered the organisations for 30ish years now, which means she's witnessed numerous elder people that she's helped pass away, yet she's still finds the strength to continue.

I probably didn't do too well with the interview, because all I could do was gape like a monkey at her, as I was utterly amazed by her strength, determination, and kindness. Her work has been recognised nationally, as she's been awarded some MBE award by the queen. Miraculously, despite my not so successful interview-turned-gaping-session, she said she would be delighted to have me volunteer. I was so flattered when she said she could tell that I would be a great fit as a volunteer! Being inspired by her life and story, I couldn't stop smiling and day-dreaming the rest of the day at the thought that maybe my vision isn't too unrealistic and childish after all.