My Daddy
I love my dad a lot. To me, he is the best dad in the world. He has sacrificed so much for me, for the family. He never complains about it. He may not know how to be the a good dad, but he is still the best dad, because he loves me unconditionally.
My family has never been a very close family. We lost that family spirit years and years ago. It's become increasingly hard to gather the family and do something altogether as a family. I feel like we're just a bunch of people who happen to live together, each one with a separate life. We don't ever have breakfast together, we don't ever leave the house together, we hardly spend anytime during the entire day together besides for a quick (and sometimes dead quiet) 10-minute dinner, and then it's off to the TV, or the computer, or whatever, separately.
Since my sister moved out, and my mum attends Swedish classes two days a week, I have dinner with my dad alone sometimes. I hate those dinners. I have nothing to say to my dad, but I try to talk about something, anything, so that at least the cutlery banging onto porcelain plate sound is not the sole sound. I ask him stupid questions, or ask him things I know the answer to, or tell him useless facts. My dad answers with a yes or no or a grunt, but never with a joke, never with a sentence more than 5 words. I'm disappointed at my dad. I'm disappointed that he doesn't even feel like he wants to make an effort to have a normal conversation at the dinner table. It makes me sad that he is indifferent. He loves me, I am sure, but then why doesn't he make an effort to make the relationship even stronger?
I just found out that my dad has arranged to go back to China for his job there during the Christmas holidays. Every Christmas, my family has been gathered. Even though we don't do much, at least it's the only time during the whole year where we all consciously make an effort to be together and spend one day together. This year, my dad has arranged to go away. Fuck. Doesn't he want to make this family work anymore? I'm disappointed in him, again.
