Philosophical Musing #4 - Happiness
It's a very true quote, isn't it? We all tend to see happiness as a destination. And maybe that's the problem, maybe that's why so many people are unhappy. For instance, just look at the concept of "happily ever after". It gives us the notion that after an intense victorious battle against the obstacles blocking our path to happiness, we finally each our destination and automatically become happy. However, that's not always the case. We know perfectly well that even after we reach our destination, we'll want and demand even more, or something will happen that will knock us out of our happiness destination zone. So how do we make happiness a method of life instead of merely a destination?
I think what we forget to do is to appreciate the things we already have in life. Last summer, I made a list of the things in life that I am grateful for. It got so damn long that I used multiple pages and I still have things to add to it, constantly. It ranged from not being disabled to having a great (but sometimes annoying!) sister to being able to read my Harry Potter books. Whenever I read through that list, it makes me feel like life is full of oppotunities, like I can accomplish anything I set my mind to, and it makes me feel very lucky and even happy.
So I think being appreciative more often of what we already have in life instead of sulking and constantly demanding more is one way of making happiness a method of life. Yes, one may argue that a person can have very little to be appreciative about in life, but that person would probably gain more happiness from being appreciative of what he or she has rather than depressing about what he or she doesn't have, yeah? Although I agree that it is indeed difficult to feel appreciative when you're feeling very low.
What other ways are there to make happiness a method of life? Enlighten me.
Back Home
Well, I've been back home in Sweden for about 28 hours and 4 minutes. It's been great to be with my mum and sister. We've eaten (well, more accurately, mainly I devoured) in addition to our Chinese version of Christmas dinner, tons of crisps, chocolate, nuts and stuff, gone shopping, spent some (I don't want to know how many) hours in front of the television watching addicting Chinese series, as well as attempted to exercise.
It feels quite weird to be back in Sweden. Everything's so familiar in a way, but at the same time, I feel like everything is worlds apart from what I've become used to during the last one and a half month. I constantly have to stop myself from doing things that I've become very accustomed to doing, like greeting the cashier with a "Hiyaa!" (to which they usually respond with a puzzled look because they can't figure out what I just said) or apologising in English for elbowing or stepping on someone.
Being back in Sweden, as much as I love spending time with my mum and sister, I've already started missing London! I miss hearing English all around me, I miss the self check-out machines in the supermarkets (especially when I have to stand in line for 10s of minutes because the cashier is taking his/her damn time), I miss my boyfriend, hanging out with him, being in his flat, sleeping in his arms, everything really. I suppose he is the main reason I miss London so much, because to me, he takes up about 90% of my concept of London (does that make sense?).
However, I am very happy and grateful to be back home too. It'll be great fun, spending another 8ish days with my mum, sister and friends.
On a completely different note, I have to display my awesome Santa for you guys. Before leaving for London in the beginning of November, I got a Santa statue as a parting gift. Not only is he sculpted in a sexy squating position, but listen to this: there is a hole in his arse, and if you punch this swith under his feet, it will cause him to shoot out fat-ass poo droppings (brown jelly beans) which you can then stuff your mouth with! Best Santa statue ever.
Oh, and apprently, there was a a teorrist on a plane from Amsterdam to Detroit yesterday. According to BBC, he tried to set off a bomb on the plane while it was landing in Detroit, but was stopped by passengers before the explosion took place. It's kinda creepy, cause I was transfering flights in Amsterdam yesterday, and I think I actually walked past the gate of the flight to Detroit.
Quirky London Details #8
Since I was strolling so slowly, I noticed this tiny alley way that led off from Oxford Street. It was so tiny in comparison to the wide Oxford Street that most people just walked past it without noticing it. But the alley was absolutely beautiful! Despite its smallness compared to Oxford Street, it had much prettier Christmas lightings!
The entrance of the alley
This photo doesn't do the lights justice. The green lights were so much more greener and lit up the entire side of the building it was hung beside. These lights run across the entire length of the alley, in different colours, like an illuminating rainbow!
Sort of like that, but 100000 times more colourful and beautiful.
On my way home, I took the tube back. There was no way I was going to walk back to where I came from through that crowd again. At the entrance to the tube station, there were so many people that wanted to go down that it was causing a freaking queue to get into the station. To make things even more exciting, there was an old lady standing right beside the queue, yelling "You will all be damned to a life in hell if you don't accept God!!" I swear everyone was fighting down the urge to stick their middle finger in her direction.
Story of a Boy and a Girl #2
There was an ongoing exhibition, called Body World, of real dead bodies that had been solidified and were on display in the O2 arena in London. The bodies were donated by people who had signed a consent form that after death their body would allowed to be used and displayed for educational purposes. There was also a display of individual organs, usually a healthy one displayed beside an unhealthy one. I remember I was completely dumbfounded by an unhealthy heart which had undergone such extensive hypertrophy (enlargement) due to some disease, that it had become horrificly humongous. I was so freaking amazed by the body's ability to stand, and to a certain degree repair and compensate for injuries and diseases. Oops, went a little off topic there. My main point is that Body World was a really popular exhibition, and being the medicine freak I am, it was like my destiny to go.
So my masterplan was to somehow get B to go with me. That would be like killing two flies in one go (is that an English expression?) - I would get to see the lovely corpses as well as spend time with B. There was one obstacle to overcome though: I didn't have any contact with B and didn't have any of his contact details either. I could've just asked MF for his number, but that would be a very suspicious action. I went down to London to visit MF again two weeks later, we went to Westfield shopping centre that afternoon. While she was in Zara, she found some clothes she wanted to try on, and I stayed outside the changing room carrying her coat and bag. I made an excuse to use her mobile phone, I said I needed to text someone, but my phone was not working properly. She let me borrow hers, and while she was inside trying on clothes, I grabbed her phone and saved B's number on my own. Brilliant eh!
Next step was to find somewhere to call him without MF being around to overhear. It was getting late that Friday afternoon, and I felt like I really needed to make that call to invite him to the exhibition before he made any other plans for Saturday afternoon. Coming out of Zara, we walked past this huge book shop, and I suggested we go in there. MF raised her eyebrows and looked at me in disbelief, since when had I become interested in book shops! Of course I hadn't, but I knew she couldn't say no to browsing books being the book nerd she is. She would spend ages in there, which would give me plenty of time to take a deep breath, practice on what I was going to say to B on the phone, and actually call him while trying not to freak out. After about 5 seconds in the shop, MF was already completely absorbed in a book, so I sneaked outside to make that call.
To be continued...!
Story of a Boy and a Girl #1
I met my boyfriend (just B for future reference) through a mutual friend, which I imagine is probably how most people meet their significant others. At that time, I had just started doing my au pairing in Nottingham, and came down to London to visit that mutual friend (I'm nicknaming her MF, because I can't be bothered to type "mutual friend" all the time). MF called up a bunch of her coursemates to hang out together, and we went to see a comedy show. At first, there were so many new people introduced to me, that to be honest, I didn't notice B. He's the quiet type and there were too many loud types around. At the venue though, he sat behind me, and during the break of the show we all started chatting. Well, actually, because I was still rather shy then, I was doing most of the listening while the loud types were doing most of the loud chatty stuff. Then I remember B asking me "Why are you so quiet?" That's when I started noticing B, I was impressed that he paid attention to such a detail.
On the bus home, I was hoping to get to sit next to B, which I did. I remember I was trying to be funny, so I joked about MF's cooking skills, bashing it completely (sorry MF, your cooking really isn't that bad!). I didn't really have any opportunities the remaining evening to chat to B though even though I desperately wanted to. I remember staring at him a lot when I thought he wasn't looking. As people generally don't have eyes on their backsides, my eyes were glued to his back and arse, and I was thinking how hot his body was, how much I'd love to run my hand down his back among other (relatively innocent) things (I swear!). There was just something about him (not just his body), which to this day I can't explain or pinpoint what, that attracted me.
I went back to Nottingham the next day with him popping into my mind with 5 second intervals. The thought of him made me so cheerful for some reason that on the coach ride back home, I randomly started chatting to the passenger next to me (cheerfulness>shyness I guess eh). To this day, I still have her mobile number saved on my phone, but I've never dialled it.
To be continued...!
Random Christmas Thoughts
Random thought #2: I've been asked multiple times by curious people whether I celebrate Christmas, because I come from a Chinese family but we live in Sweden. I think Christmas is a great tradition. It gives people something to look forward to during the dark and freezing December month. It lights up December and infects it with such festive spirit. So hell yeah we celebrate Christmas, and I think even if it is not in your culture to celebrate it, there's no reason not to. Besides the great family gathering part, you must be nuts to pass a chance of getting presents and eating yummy cakes and sweets and stuff!
Random thought #3: I'm really looking forward to flying back home to Sweden. I've been counting down the days, and I have four nights left in this empty flat. I've downloaded tons of happy films to keep my mind occupied so it doesn't start wondering off to think about how lonely I am! 500 Days of Summer and Love Actually are good happy films for anyone stuck in the same situation as I am. The effects of the films are probably going to wear off by Christmas Eve when it's completely dead out on the streets though, because people are all in their homes with their families, which is probably going to depress me.
Random thought #4: I've promised myself to get at least one piece of (cheap) Christmas decoration for my room to increase my Christmas spirit feeling (as I currently have none), and today I found the perfect cheap thing: a chocolate santa lollipop. I intend to consume it when I'm depressed on Christmas Eve. That's why it's so perfect!
(Heh, I didn't realise there was a skull reflected in the mirror. That was not intentional, I love santa!)
On a completely different note: today I received an e-mail from the University of St Andrews with a medicine interview offer! I was utterly delighted and I'm already a little bit excited and nervous about it even though it's going to take place in February. Great surprise!
A Good Year
I remember vaguely that at the end of 2008, I experienced a really frustrating time due to various reasons. I really wanted to get out of Sweden, do something new and unpredictable, be in a new environment with new people in the new year. Because I had such a short time to arrange everything, I decided I was going to do some au pairing. It's a fairly quick process to find a family, sign the contract and just fly away where long-term accommodation is already organised. So I found a nice family in Nottingham, and flew over there on the 17th of January 2009. I spent almost 6 months with them, and it was a good experience. I not only learned how to change nappies and bribe kids with sweets, but probably more importantly that kids are a freaking big responsibility. I also learned and improved a lot of other things, like communication, interaction, independence etc. During this time, I also met my boyfriend in London, and I spent most of my weekends with him in his halls at university. Nottingham was such a relaxing (excluding the kids part) and chill period, which was really nice to have. Eventually, by June though I started to get bored of what I was doing, and by the end of June I went back to Sweden.
Back in Sweden, I had to start applying for universities and do all those entrance exams and write applications and personal statements and all that crap. This period was kind of hard, because I was thousands of miles apart from my boyfriend, and my mom pressured me with all that university stuff. It's understandable though, because I had to take another gap year as I didn't get any offers from the universities I applied to for the 2009-entry. My boyfriend had to face some really bad family issues too, and lots of other reasons made it generally a relatively low period. The only thing I looked forward to and motivated me was 1) meeting my boyfriend again and 2) Moving to London. Moving to London had been on my mind for a while then, not only because my boyfriend would be in London, but I wanted to do something different and take a risk (again) before commencing on my medicine studies in 2010 (provided that I get offers this year).
So finally, after my last exams for med-school at the end of October, and after lots of convincing my parents that I will study in London for further med-school admissions exams and not forget about my university applications, and that I won't die in London, they eventually let me go off to London. And from here onwards, my life has been documented through my blog.
Honestly, 2009 has been an awesome year. Not in the sense that everything has been great and happy, more in the sense that it's been a fulfilling and satisfying year. I can look back and say I lived life. To me, living life means doing and experiencing things you never did before, experiencing the dips and peaks, but not regretting anything. I really, really hope 2010 will be an equally exciting and unpredictable year, where in a year's time I will be writing "I can look back and say I lived life" again.
Thanks for a good year everyone! Happy new year (in advance)!!!
Quirky London Details #7
Vrooooom!
Random notes: On Friday, I did my last work shift for 2009. It was a long and super busy shift, from 2pm-01:30am, and needless to say, I was completely dead afterwards. Everyone has been talking about Christmas shopping the past week, and yesterday I figured it was probably time I started too. So, a friend from work and I braved the freeeezing weather and went to Southbank Market and Camden Market for Christmas gift hunt. Besides the fact that our fingers and toes and other various body parts froze to numbness, I managed to get a few Christmas gifts. I just got my salary on Friday, so people who I picked out presents for yesterday, consider yourselves lucky as I was feeling extra generous with the price, hoho!
I love the markets in London, but one thing that really annoys me is the fact that in all the Christmas markets, German Bratwursts have completely invaded the food market. They're not even that good, just weird and too huge and look like genitalia. On a completely different note, Southbank is a beautiful place, and we had the most beautiful view with Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament across the river, look!
Quirky London Details #6
Here's #6, which is my favourite one so far. On a building along the river Thames with a Romanish design, there're these neon lights that light up the words "Everything is going to be alright". So freaking random, but so freaking cool.
Changes
1. I think the greatest change is that I've become a lot more outgoing. Well, actually, I think I've just become more myself around strangers, because I'm rather outgoing beneath my surface of shyness and reservedness (that a word?). Also, that shyness around strangers is much less now. It's so much easier to interact with strangers, and I hardly feel like I need to make an immense effort to interact with them like I did before. In the beginning, arriving at work, I'd always be afraid I wouldn't know anyone there. Nowadays I hardly care about that, because I'll end up getting to know a few more people by the end of the night (including mixing up their names and backgrounds, e.g. a Kate and a Katee studying linguistics and translation). I love chatting to strangers, I love getting to know someone new and getting to know their background and path of life, I love their impressed reaction when I tell them I've just moved here from Sweden a month ago, I love joking and being myself around them. I've even improved my flirting skills, because all the porters at work are young males, and I get along with a few of them, and it's great fun..!
2. Another noticable change is a growth of muscle in my left arm from carrying trays loaded with heavy stuff at work.
3. I've become more independent. I do and sort everything by myself out. Make phone calls, sign contracts, make arrangements, make my own judgments etc.
4. Living with my boyfriend for almost a month, he's really grown on me. Living without him now, I realise what a comfort he's been throughout my life in London. He always takes care of me when I myself can't even be bothered to. He does these little things that make me smile, like buys me brownies (a definite way to win my heart, if any guys want to compete, haha). He's great. I'm happy with him, I think.
5. I daresay there is a sliiiight improvement in my cooking skills! I can now make salmon for myself which I enjoy eating, yum! I also made chicken soup and fish soup!
Hmm, looking at this list, London has been a positive experience. All worth it, yeah?
Quirky London Details #5
Yup, that's me, ehehehehe!
I have a feeling I will be spending an excessive amount of my salary on more t-shirts from that shop..!
Oh, and a few words about yesterday's work shift. I was based in the iMAX cinema in Waterloo, the one where there is a huge screen and everything is like shown in 3D with people wearing ugly 3D spectacles. Everyone was wondering what the event would be, because all we knew in advance was that it was to be a reception, which could mean anything, from an actual stupid reception to a film premiere. When we arrived there (I was very hopeful about a red carpet and meeting celebrities!), we were told that it was a film premiere for the investors of the new huge film Avatar. Well, not as celebrity-packed as I had hoped, just full of stinking rich people, but it was pretty cool working at the iMAX anyway. I did about 3 hours of wandering around doing nothing, because my task started at 7pm and my shift started at 4pm. I went to the porters to ask if they needed help, and they told me to go away because I might break the glasses, hah, and then went to the chefs, and got to do some pickle and ketchup burger-stuffing for about 10 minutes before all the burgers were done, then back to wandering around. Chillest shift ever. Shame we didn't get to watch the film with the investors.
Quirky London Details #4
Have some effing respect
I meet all kinds of guests attending the events I work at. I guess the majority of them treat us, the waiting and other members of staff, serving them generally quite ok, they smile and usually show their gratitude with a thanks or nod. There are, however, also a surprisingly vast amount of guests at every event that treat us as if just because we are paid to do the work, it is ok to treat us as slaves that serve their masters.
It is freaking difficult work serving guests. You need to serve them with a smile, even though they answer your smile with a cold stare. You need to treat them with respect even though they look at you as slaves. You need to carry their heavy plate of meaty food all the way from the kitchen to their table, which can sometimes be several hundred metres in the bigger venues. Very often it happens that they give a disgusted look at the food and tell you that they're a vegetarian, at which point you have to fight down the overwhelming urge to chuck with all your might the food right in the middle of their face and hope to break their nose, because they should have let the event managers know in advance. You must now carry the food back all the way, and run back with a vegetarian fucking plate.
When clearing away glasses and bottles and plates and all the leftover crap, you carry a tray in one hand, and use the other hand to load the empty stuff on. When your tray is already full and heavy as a big slab of cement, because most of the glasses and bottles still have liquid in them, most guests seem to assume that besides waiting, we all also have the hobby of bodybuilding with unlimited strength in our arms, and pile even more bottles onto the tray. Sometimes it causes the other stuff already on the tray to fall and break, and they look at you apologetically, and then turn around and walk away as if they're still an angel leaving you in a shower or shattered glass (luckily, another Esprit staff will be at your side in seconds to help you though). Another even more annoying thing is that when you're looking one way loading stuff onto your tray, guests come at you from another direction, and without notifying you, just start putting things onto your tray. I guess the most logic explanation of that action is that guests are completely thick, because they can't figure out that when we look in one direction, we can't see them putting things from another direction, and the outcome is very often that the whole tray tilts and falls. Well, they do the same thing and act like angels and float away. More annoyingly is when the venue is packed with people, and you're trying to clear stuff, walking around with a loaded tray. Some guests see you coming, but refuse to make way for you to get through with your tray for some bizarre reason, at which point you nearly yell in utter desperation: OI, YOU FUCKING BASTARD, do I have to slam into you with my tray and cause all the drinks to fall on your ugly suit for you to realise that you need to get out of my fucking way?!!
This is just the tip of the iceberg of the behaviour of guests. So please guys, if you're reading this, remember next time when you attend an event, go to a restaurant, or do anything or go anywhere where people are servicing you in any way, please treat them with respect, do not treat them as slaves. They are paid to do the work, yes, but you will make their work so much easier and also a more pleasant experience for youself, because if you treat them well, they will reciprocate the good treatment.
Puh, now that I've done my venting, I'm going to work at a wedding event today! Hope they will let us have the leftover cake, that will definitely shut my mouth from venting, hihihi.
Philosophical Musing #3 - Happiness
Very often I can't conclude whether a person is happy or not though. Like that wrinkled, extremely ancient lady walking at equal speed as a snail, with her cane, is she happy? Does she have a fulfilling life, with a husband that's alive and lots of grand children surrounding her? Or is she lonely? Or that mum with 4 children who looks so worn out, is she happy? Does she even have the energy to make the effort to feel happy looking after those energy-sucking kids? Or that Chinese man there, working in the restaurant. He probably gave up his life in China and arrived here in search of a better life with his child and wife. Did he find what he was dreaming of here? Is he happy here?
Do people keep on putting an effort to create happiness for themselves, no matter their stage of life and life situation? That ancient old lady, has she simply given up creating her happiness with a "I'm going to die soon anyway" mentality, or is it the opposite, that because she is going to die soon, she will live life to its fullest? That mother with the excess number of children, did she ever intend to have so many children? Maybe she used to dream of a life with a career, but now she has to settle down to raise those kids. Has she simply accepted that? Will she make a effort to realise her dream?
I want to conclude happy endings for these people, because I hope, hope, hope that people keep on fighting to be happy. It's all that really matters in the end after all.
People Who Make My Day #2
Ok, so I lied the other day in my post with the summary of my work experience so far. The best thing about my work with Esprit is not the goose or the chocolate mousse or any food that we get. The BEST thing about it is the team-work spirit, and how we all have each other's backs all the time. When we work, we work as a unitary, as a single big team. Yeah, we all have our allocated tasks and sections of the venue during the event, but if someone is in need of aid in any way, help is never far away, because people put down what they're doing to help you. If you drop a tray, or spill something, or knock something over, you will be surrounded by half a dozen colleagues within 5 seconds helping you to pick up the mess and asking whether you're hurt and alright. The mentality has never ever been "that's your problem, not mine, so go sort it out yourself." When we finish our shifts and leave the venue, the most heard words are not "Yes! I get to go home and go to bed!!", on the contrary it's "Thanks!". The waitresses thank the porters, the porters thank the technicians, the technicians thank the butlers, the butlers thank the managers, the managers thank the waitresses, etc. etc. We randomly thank each other and everyone even though nothing happened between us personally where a thanks would be required, but simply because we know that everyone has worked their butts off and without each other the night couldn't have been as successful. Today, there was also a manager from Denmark who gave me lots of advice about living and working in London when he found out I just arrived here from Sweden, just randomly, without me asking for advice.
I don't know whether this team spirit is something only Esprit has, I'm just so impressed by the people here (at least the majority of them, there is of course the minority of people who are just freaking unhelpful and always manage to get in your way). Sitting on the bus back home today, I just couldn't help grinning when I looked back at my work shift and all the helpful people who rushed to my aid when I spilled and dropped stuff multiple times tonight (yeah, tonight wasn't my most successful shift). Gosh, these people really made my day.
I hereby present my little abode:
Ok, so I've just transferred some photos from my camera to my laptop, including a few that I took of my room. So I thought I'd post those on my blog! I haven't decorated it yet with ornaments and stuff, but I suppose I will get a poster or two (including a Harry Potter one of course!) and a few postcards for the walls. The ones already on the walls are not mine, but I haven't taken them off cause I hate walls that are empty, they feel so cold! I also need more colour in my room! The photos are in a anti-clockwise 360 degrees rotating order:
I just wish I had a little desk and chair to use when I use my laptop, cause my back starts hurting when I sit on my bed bent over the laptop for an extended period of time. Otherwise, I quite like my room, it's pretty cosy. Today, I finally met my third roommate, we've somehow managed to not meet each other for almost a week! All my flatmates seem pretty cool, so all in all, I'm glad my desperate room search paid off! Ok, I really need to go to sleep to conserve energy for a new week of energy-sucking shifts. Nighty night!
My secret recipe for being happy
Step 1: Step out of your comfort zone, do something different: go to a different country, join a club, learn the Indian rain dance (actually please learn the sun dance, we need some more damn sun in this country), sail to the Pacific ocean and visit sharks (are there sharks there?), anything!
Step 2: Do your best to accomplish step 1
Step 3: Experience the new people, animals (if you do take my Pacific ocean advice), emotions, atmosphere, smells, colours, contrasts, everything
Step 4: Treasure the people, things, emotions above that make you happy
Step 5: Forget your troubles and worries. Not saying you should completely not give a crap and not deal with them, but it's ok to not think of them for a little while, swing them to the back of your mind!
That's it! Good luck!
(Step 6, optional: make smiley faces out of candles and a piece of wire)
Summary, month 1 - Work
I have never ever been this effing tired from work before in my life. I've started to "conserve energy" for my work shifts (I sound like a hibernating mammal). I used to walk a lot everywhere, but now, I take the bus or tube everywhere to conserve energy for hours of standing and walking and climbing the stairs, and when things get out of control and hectic, running and racing across venues. When I get home, my feet and legs ache, and all I want to do is sit, or lay down, or be in any position that does not involve activating any parts of my lower limbs.
The work is not only tiring, but also hard, especially because things get so hectic. When we carry plates out to the dining guests, the plates are so hot that you it causes you to activate your pull-hand-away reflex, but you stop yourself in the middle of it, because you realise you will be in deep shit with the chefs if you drop that plate of food. While clearing plates away, you are constantly in the risk of dropping the plates with leftover food on top of the guests' suits and dresses, because balancing 10 plates on your hands with leftover bones and crap gets pretty damn heavy.
Despite all these things, so far, I love my work, because it's very unpredictable and dymnamic. I love the fact that when I turn up at work, there are 50 faces of colleagues I have never met before. Out of those 50, there're always a few that I get along with, and get to know while we work throughout the night. I've met so many interesting and awesome people through Esprit, and it's just great! I also love the fact that we all work as a team, we all have each other's backs. I also love the fact that we always get allocated different tasks for each shift, so that we always learn to do something new. I also love the fact that at each event there are different guests, which means you always meet some weird and cool and completely awesome guests. The BEST part though is the fact that we get a lot of good food, hihihi :) We get the same food as the guests, which means lamb and goose and all kinds of fancy stuff with fancy desserts that I cannot pronounce the name of.
I really like my work, and I'm mighty glad I got this job. Yes, I'm dead tired, and yes, I do meet rude guests and encounter lazy colleagues who make me want to shove my tray of glass beer bottles up their butts when they sit around watching me work and don't do a damn thing themselves. But it's all worth it. And the time is now 04:12, and I really need to go to bed to start conserving energy. Good night!
Summary, month 1 - Life
My first two weeks here were a bit rocky, at least emotionally. I didn't feel as much happiness or excitement as I thought I would. Or it was more like, at times I felt happy, but then the next second I could suddently feel sad, which made me emotionally drained. I don't really know why I felt this way, but I'm sure the goddamn pissing rain and greyness those days definitely affected my mood negatively. Also, I've been living with the former mentioned friend since arriving in London, and living with him was not completely easy. We had a few problems that were, I admit, mostly my fault for not communicating enough, and having problems with someone you spend so much of your time with is also freaking draining. So during the first week or two, I quite frequently questioned whether London was the right path, because I felt unhappy a lot of the time.
During the last two weeks, certain things have turned around. I became much more used to living with my friend and we attempted to resolve the issues. I began to feel at home and secure in his place and in his company. He started to grow on me, and I have had a lot of fun living with him. I also started working and meeting so many people from such unique backgrounds and paths of life. These things make me happy enough that I can truly say that at the moment I am happy, that I don't regret for a millimicronano second moving my life to London.
There're still a lot of bumps and ups and downs in my life, but this rollar coaster ride is just what I wanted. Today, for instance, I have just moved out of my friend's place, and live now by myself in a room in a flatshare with 3 others who are almost complete strangers. I'm feeling sad because I really miss my friend, but I feel slightly happy because this is the independence I've been looking for.
These new adventures, new experiences, new emotions, and new people in my life is just what I have been seeking for the past years of my life. I've finally found it, and I love it. At the moment: life is good.
Philosophical Musing #2 - Depth
Sometimes when I'm with him, I feel close to him, like hearing his heart beat, I can almost hear what his heart is feeling. Sometimes there's this wall between us, and I feel like I can't get through to him no matter what approach I take; maybe it's communication failure. Yet other times, I discover things about him that I didn't know before. He surprises me with an opinion, or a song he likes, or something he does, good surprises as well as bad surprises, anything really.
Yesterday, laying in his arms, I was wondering how many more surprises, how many more things will I discover about him? He has so much depth, I realised there's a freaking ocean of him that I haven't even explored one tenth of, and I've already known him for nearly a year.
My conclusion is: each human being is unique and has so much depth. My philosophical musing is: can you ever completely know someone?
