My Curriculum Vitae

So I'm preparing for interview questions in case I get an interview offer from one of the med-schools I applied to earlier this month (oops, last month, since it's November today already..!). And I'm kind of stuck on the first question: Why do I want to be a doctor? It's such a straight-forward question, but I can't provide any straight-forward answer.

As a kid, I've always known I'd grow up to be a doctor. It just seemed as a natural career choice, especially because my parents were both doctors, and my relatives all hoped that at least one person in the family will become a doctor (talk about pressure eh). I admit I was never really genuinely interested in medicine. Sure, the human body is a cool machine, I love helping people, it's a well-respected career, provides stability etc. etc. - but none of that really interested me. Not until much later.

Last summer I got the chance to work in a centre helping mentally disabled people with everyday activities. It wasn't an easy job, it was emotionally draining, frustrating, physically demanding, yet I still enjoyed it. It was rewarding. You know that wonderful feeling you get when you feel like you've done something useful, that you've served a purpose? That's what was worth all the though and dirty job in the end. I subsequently enrolled to attend a short course in Karolinska Institute called "Human Physiology". Wow, that course completely changed my opinion of the human body. I can't begin to describe the beauty of the complexity of all these mechanisms that keep our hearts pumping, our kidneys to filter out chemicals, our intestines to digest hamburgers, chips, ice-cream and similar junk. We know so much about the human body, but guess what, there's also so much more that we have no clue of. Just imagine the complicated gets even more complex. That freaking intrigues me.

Last summer I also observed surgeries. I have literally stood half a metre from a real, (unhealthy) but pumping heart. There are no words to describe how damn awesome it was, watching that little organ beating. That little thing, so strong yet so fragile, one (hard) poke with my figure could stop the pumping. The notion of being able to cut someone open, alter something inside their body, and then sew them back up, is just goddamn brilliant. It was overwhelming to stand there watching the heart, and watching the surgeons mend the heart.

Being a doctor is not as glamorous as I imagine it to be (I blame that on TV shows). Being a doctor is a difficult and tough job which requires so much emotional and physical stamina. It's not about saving patients and being the hero, in fact, very little is about that. Because most of the time it's about a lot of repetitiveness, a lot of pressure, not to mention the constant requirement of being alert and making the right decisions. It's about self-doubt, and constantly being worried whether a patient's deterioration or death was your fault. But I believe that the rewarding aspect, the self-satisfaction, character-developing, outweighs the formidable aspects, at least sometimes.

See, I can't give a straight-forward answer. But I know one straight-forward thing: I want to be a doctor, and I will be a good doctor one day.